Akki Baby
by See Them Llamas Run
Summary: [Oneshot] Shigure gets drunk and decides to pay a visit to a certain goddess. Spoilers for chapter 97.


A/N: What the hell was I smoking when I wrote this?

Japanese:

Koishii – My beloved (I think)

Sake – Japanese rice wine

Disclaimer: I am a pathetic rabid fangirl, not a genius manga-ka.

Akki Baby 

We enter at the Sohma estate. All was well at this usually-not-so-peaceful little manor – the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and flowers were blooming. What could go wrong on this ever so perfect day?

One word: sake.

Actually, there were two other words: Ayame and Shigure. Although merely the words 'Ayame' and 'sake' used in the same sentence tend to be deadly, 'Shigure' and 'sake' is without a doubt catastrophic. Hatori had been unfortunate enough to witness the events of the dog's twenty-first birthday, and still bore the scars – both physical and mental – to prove it. Ayame had either forgotten that night or been amused by it, because he brought the disastrous drink when he and the author went to visit their mature friend.

"What the hell is that?" Hatori asked, as the snake pulled out a few dozen bottles of the stuff.

"Root beer!" he announced, giving several to Shigure. "Would you like some, Tori-san?"

"No, and I'd rather not you have any, either."

"Oh, Haa-san, you're such a wet blanket," said Shigure, before drinking nearly a whole bottle of sake. "Always ruining our fun!"

"Yes, Tori-san, I hate to admit it," Aaya said, "but you really should lighten up."

Before anything else could be said, the doctor's two idiot friends practically inhaled all of the alcoholic beverage available. Hatori watched helplessly as their minds seemed to melt into puddles of goo, leaving only two freakishly unaware bodies to go staggering about. He knew any efforts to stop them would be futile – plus he thought it'd be kinda funny to see them make complete fools out of themselves. He quickly grabbed his video camera and followed Ayame, who had run off to tell Yuki of his undying love for him.

This left a very confused, very bored, and very intoxicated Shigure alone in the Sohma estate. Standing with some difficulty, he contemplated what to do with what little mind he had left. Suddenly a thought occurred: he was at the Sohma residence. Therefore, Akito wasn't far away!

Merrily, he hiccupped and skipped to see his cantankerous lover. He could already imagine her beautiful irritated face scowling at him, her lips curling into a sneer before calling for security to take him away. Her voice, scratchy and vulgar may it be, was as enchanting as that of the Siren's to Shigure's ears. Every time she used foul language toward him, it was as if the angels of heaven themselves were singing to him. The more he thought, the more eager he became to be in the presence of his dearest once again.

Akito, on the other hand, was not in such high spirits. She was having quite an off day, in fact, and kept mumbling about how it was the fault of the full moon. Whatever the reason, she had stepped in a disgusting substance, tripped over nothing, and seen her meal end up all over the floor several times that day. Certainly she was not in the mood for the drunken idiot that ran into a wall just outside her room.

The head of the family scowled, thinking that someone had knocked. "Go away," said she.

Shigure didn't really feel like listening.

"Helloooooooo Akito-san!" he sang, bursting into the room. "You're looking like a bowl of Cheerios, aaaaas usual!"

"Go away, Shigure," she repeated. "I'm in no mood to see you today."

"B-but koishii is _never_ in the mood to see me," the dog pouted. "Oh look! A bird!" He ran over to the window and waved at the creature before it fluttered away from him, frightened. "Helooooooo biiiiiiiiiird!" He laughed hysterically, then stopped suddenly, looking sullen. "I hate birds."

Akito stared at him. "Shigure…what…the hell is wrong with you?"

"Ah, she sings! She sings! Ahhhhh! Sing, my uncouth angel, SING!" Attempting to imitate opera, he pranced around the room merrily.

It had not yet occurred to her that Shigure's present state was due to the influence of alcohol, so Akito simply stared at him, petrified. She opened her mouth several times, but nothing came out.

"Akki? Why aren't you singing? Are you sad? Are you sick? Are you thirsty? Hungry? Tired? Oh, you look afraid! Why are you afraid? Did you watch a horror movie? Did Ritsu come to visit you? Ritsu scares me. Not really. Does he scare you? Do you like monkeys? Why are you looking at me like that? What's that outside? Oh, it's a tree. That's funny. It doesn't look like a tree from where I'm standing. Does it look like a tree to you? Have you seen Kureno? I hate birds. Do you hate birds? Is – "

"AAAAAAAAAGH!" Akito shouted, hands over her ears. She grabbed the nearest hard thing she could find and tried to throw it at him in order to shut him up, but it got caught in the drape behind her. In attempt to pull it free, the entire curtain fell on her. "DAMN STUPID FULL MOON!"

Shigure giggled at his god. "Akki baby…you're so sexy when you're clumsy…"

"What?"

"You probably trip all over the place when you and Kureno are about to go at it!" he said merrily.

"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU DAMN PERVERT!"

"Yaaaaay! She sings again!"

Upon smelling him when he embraced her, Akito realized the truth. "Shigure…have you been drinking?"

"Drinking? Like water or juice or coffee?"

Letting out a sigh, Akito pushed him off of her. "Get off of me, you drunken fool. Do you know how much you were making me worr – " She stopped and covered her mouth with her hand. Why the hell was she about to say _that_?

Shigure gazed at her in a dreamy sort of way. "Making you what, Akito-san?" A short giggle escaped his mouth, followed by a hiccup. "I still really turn you on, don't I?"

Her cheeks turned light pink. "Shut up! Of course you don't, damn dog!"

"I dooooo," he sang. "Akki thinks I'm hooo-ooot, Akki thinks I'm seeex-eeeee …"

"I do not!" She raised a hand to strike him, but couldn't bring herself to do so. "Just…shut up!"

He let out another laugh, stood up, and fell over again. "What's wrong with it if you still turn me on?"

Akito stared at him, not sure whether to be flattered, shocked, or horrified. "You…I…I mean…of course…I do…I…" Taking a deep breath, she attempted to regain her composure. "Why wouldn't I? I am your god. You will always love me…no matter how much I _hate_ _you_." She gave Shigure a death glare, which he indifferently ignored.

A sweet, enigmatic smile crossed his face, almost making Akito believe that he was sober after all. "Perhaps, but…_my_ love…will forever surpass that of the other Jyuunishi." He touched his lips lightly against hers.

Akito did nothing to stop him. She barely resisted the urge to kiss him back. "Shigure…"

"…Akki baby…"

That brought her back into reality, as she was suddenly tempted to slap her forehead. "Get the hell out!" she shouted, pushing him away.

"But! But!"

"Fine! Then _I'll_ leave!" She stood up, walked towards the exit –

…And fell flat on her face.

"GAA! DAMN FULL MOON!"

Shigure ran to her and smiled. "Akkiiiiii…that's a hot look for you!"

"JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND HELP ME UP!"

"Akito-san, is everything all – Shigure-nii!" Kureno cried. "Um, what are you doing here?"

Standing, Shigure gave the rooster a scowl. "Oh, well it's _you_," he said, swaying. "Just the stupid _bird_…I hate birds…"

Kureno gave him a strange look. "Uh, Shigure-nii, maybe you should leave…"

"Y'wanna make me?" He put his hands in front of his face, in a fighting stance. "C'mon, give me your best shot. Winner gets the girl."

After staring at him for about five minutes, Kureno said, "He's drunk, isn't he?"

"Of course he's drunk!" Akito snapped, not mentioning that it took her quite a while to figure that out. "He's not even this stupid in his regular state."

"What, are you afraid you'll lose her?" asked Shigure, still prepared to fight.

"Um…"

"I refuse to be fought over like some object!"

The dog's patience ran out, so he charged at his opponent at full speed. Kureno easily dodged, causing the other run into a wall.

"Get him out of my sight, Kureno," Akito said, a little vein mark visible on her forehead.

Kureno nodded, but before anything could be done, Hatori entered the room dragging along a certain intoxicated snake.

"Tori-chaaan! Release me at once!" Ayame cried. "My dearest brother and I must not be parted!"

"Yeah, yeah," Ha'ri said with an exasperated sigh.

"Aaya!" Shigure cried with bliss, forgetting the rooster for the moment.

"Gure!" The two friends ran to each other with open arms. They slammed into each other, confirming that their hangovers would be even worse the next day.

"Dearest," said Ayame, either ignoring or not feeling the bump on his head, "how I've wept in your unbearable absence!"

"Ah, but our long awaited reunion is finally upon us, most beloved!" Shigure announced.

"All right!"

The dragon rolled his eyes and grabbed both of his friends by the ear. "As much fun as this has been, I think we should be leaving. I'm very sorry for the disturbance, Akito-san," he said, exiting.

After a few moments of silence, Kureno asked, "So…are you all right, Akito-san?"

"Yes," she said a little too quickly. "Now go away."

Her lover obeyed, leaving the head of the family to her thoughts. So, it was only Shigure's drunkenness speaking when he declared his love for her. After all, he had professed the same love for the snake. Akito mentally smacked herself for almost believing otherwise.

_Not that I _wanted_ to believe it…_

"Damn full moon," she muttered one last time.

--

A/N: Everything goes by too quickly in this fic… But, wow, I'm really on a roll. Three fics in one week. Huzzah! Also, since I've never written, um, intoxicated people before, I hope nothing was too awkward. Review please!


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